What to expect from Villa's European odyssey
No offence to Fabrizio Romano, but here we go is now reserved for one thing outside of mindless transfer aggregation: Aston Villa are off on an adventure into European football having earned their place in the competition with A) an astounding finish to last season's Premier League and B) a gentle thrashing of Hibernian FC in the play-off.
Now, we're properly in the competition - the UEFA Europa Conference League 'Proper' (how sweet does that sound?) and after a tedious draw (which you can view me watching along with Dan Rolinson on Claret & Blue here) Villa know who they'll be playing.
Tifo and pyro merchants, lads who tried to fight the entirety of West Ham United and a Bosnian side whose ultras have a longer Wikipedia entry than the club itself does.
All joking aside, it's a iron-spined voyage through some fairly decent opposition and while Villa - by their own status - have it 'easy' and will progress due to the group stage format, there will be some needle and some unreasonably tough ties.
It's a walk in the park. But the park is at night. And they have knives. But we have a gatling gun.
Who are holding the knives, then?
HŠK Zrinjski Mostar - or Hrvatski športski klub Zrinjski Mostar
I will straight out say that I am not the best person to speak about complex Balkan politics, so diving into the history of a Croat founded club in Herzegovina that plays intense derbies and rivalries on ethical, cultural and political lines completely intimidates me.
Apart from that, Zrinjski Mostar are a simple club. They love winning the league, they love getting knocked out of UEFA competitions in the 'match-fixing' rounds, and they love beating Velez Mostar.
Oh, and Luka Modric played for them when he was 18.
Based in the historical capital of Herzegovina, the current Bosnian & Herzegovinian league champions were formed by Croatians of Herzegovina in the twilight of the 19th century. They had to endure numerous bans, and an ever-changing political landscape to survive and thrive. In Yugoslavia, they were apparently used as a propaganda tool by nationalists following Nazi puppet rule and then were shut down until the 1990s and the independence of Bosnia and Herzegovina. Then they endured another war.
Their trip to the group stage has been arduous so far. They were pasted out of Champions League qualifying by Slovan Bratislava of Slovakia after beating Armenians Urartu. Then in the Europa League they bodied Iceland's Breiðablik before Austria's LASK beat them in the qualifying stages. Now they are here - angry after being beaten pillar to post. They've been tortured in the qualifying stages of European football for a while now - with a bunch of sides having their way with Zrinjski over the years. Especially Slovan, these lot have had more beatings in Bratislava than stag-do participants.
Bosnian centre-forward Nemanja Bilbija is their top scorer with nine goals in ten games (Transfermarkt, the #1 place for Bosnian & Herzegovinian stats, says so), and I expect their Europa Conference League games will be amongst their biggest ever. They'll be right up for Villa.
Their stadium, the Stadion pod Bijelim Brijegom, seats 9,000 according to Wikipedia so they only have to give Villa 450 tickets. It's a bit like Willy Wonka's Golden Ticket but instead of drowning in chocolate you're just going to get glassed in Bosnia. They will be prized, but doomed. It'd be better for Villa if they just held a cage-fighting championship between 1,000 people and sent the 450 winners with 50 other cauliflower-eared bodyguards. I assume it will be fine though, purely because don't want to sit here at my desk and stereotype Zrinjski fans having never been there.
However, their Ultras do have their own entire Wikipedia page, and there are apparently 20 sub-branches. That's wild.
Mostar itself seems a beautiful place though.
And here's some Velez ultras on the same bridge.
Prediction:
Should be simple for Villa on the pitch. 3-0 away, 3-0 home. Easy come, easy go.
Legia Warsaw - or Legia Warszawa Spółka Akcyjna
Legia have went through a bunch of name changes (14), and thick-lipped Brummies like myself will have a tough time convincing people that we said Warsaw and not Walsall. I have dedicated my life to the correct pronunciation of words, despite my lisp and Brummie twang but I was laughed out of the room when trying to say Warsaw correctly to my Eastern-European flatmate who can speak no-fewer than six languages fluently. I fear this is the fate for all of us.
I love Poland though. I recently went to Krakow and it was one of the best holidays of my life. I expect Warsaw would be even better for me. I expect Warsaw will be amazing for the Villa fans who venture.
What does the Legia name stand for? Well the first part is obvious - it's the Warsaw Legion, formed in the military in 1916. Their nickname? Legioniści (The Legionaries).
As for the other bit?
It's just a boring PLC/LTD thing. It's all business.
The artists formerly known as Drużyna Sportowa Legia are coached by German Kosta Runjaić, who isn't known well outside of Germany and Poland, but has won the Polish cup once and the Ekstraklasa (league) manager of the month award three times.
Former (and that is a stretch) Southampton striker Tomáš Pekhart leads the way for them - and the league - this season, scoring four goals in four games so far. Young Pole Maciej Rosołek backs him up with two assists.
Their stadium is 'only' the 5th biggest in the Ekstraklasa at around 31,000 seats that will vary due to segregation zones on a match-by-match basis, so you'd expect just over 1,500 tickets to be offered to Villa for the match in Warsaw.
They earned their way into the group stage by bouncing out Danish stalwarts Midtjylland, Austria Wien of Vienna, Austria and Kazakstan's Ordabasy. That's scrapping. They aren't too far removed from pulling the rug on Leicester either - they beat them in 2021.
As for the fans - near constant spats with UEFA and the police, massive Tifo presentations and flares. They wheeled out one of the Pope before playing Rangers at Ibrox.
They have been called the 'hardest fans in Europe' a fair few times as well, and last time they were in England for the football it got a little hairy with police being injured (and not the usual police injury of 'sprained my big toe because of Notting Hill').
Here's more on Legia and the Teddy Boys 95':
Prediction:
1-1 in Warsaw and then Villa will box them in B6 2-0 but the Witton Lane stand will likely be alight.
AZ Alkmaar - or Alkmaar Zaanstreek
Pot 1 in the UECL was full of tedium. Trips to France or Germany beckoned with only Hungary offering something 'exotic'.
Perhaps the most tedious tie of them all was a trip to AZ Alkmaar - but tedious only in the fact that it is a very 'pre-season' locale. Competitively, you have to be buzzing for the chance to put them in their place.
Exactly like Knollsy, who single-handedly put a pack of black-block clad 'Cheeseheads' down with a few mild windmills on a Dutch staircase in one of the rare 'funny' videos of football violence which appear more embarrassing then threatening. In-fact, it's the only type of violence I can endorse - the Englishman standing as a paladin, stamping out a horde of evil threatening his life and comrades with barely any effort or threat at all. The Hammers should've sorted out Knollsy for life. Made him part of the squad.
The 'Ben Side Ultras' (apparently) have gotten into trouble a few times like that, and while there is an edge there - it just really seems like a few lads who've watched Green Street too many times and enact their violence wearing the shittiest clothes possible. It's less Curva Sud and more Mansfield trying to box out Morecambe fans at a train station. I'll reserve the right to that opinion until I'm killed with a shiv at New Street Station by a Dutch child in bootcut jeans attending the home leg.
The club itself? Founded shortly after my dad was born in 1967, they were the merger of an A and Z in Alkmaar and Zaanstreek. They are called De Kaasboeren (Cheese Farmers) or cheeseheads. They just seem to have this name because of the Netherland's export of cheese,- and the 'Farmers League' jokes just write themselves, don't they?
Currently managed by Dutch-English Pascal Jensen they have a decent Greek forward in Vangelis Pavlidis who leads them with three goals in two games and he's a lock to hit double figures in the Eredivisie. Ex-Brighton & Arsenal Goalkeeper Mathew Ryan is their most recognisable name.
How did they get here? They dispatched Andorra's Santa Coloma but Brann of Norway took them to a penalty shootout - and they join Villa as one of the more in-form teams over the past 5 games of this early stage of the season.
Their AZ Stadion holds 19,500 so expect about 1000-ish tickets for the away leg.
Prediction:
Surely the toughest tie? Villa potentially lose the away leg but will surely win at home? I'll back them over both though, and there'll be loads of pointless - and tedious - edginess from them.
1-2 away, 2-1 home.
Odds & Holte Ends
- That's your lot for this one. I can't wait to see what happens when we go on this European Tour.
- You'll note I backed Villa in all the ties.
- That's because having Unai Emery in the UECL is a cheat code.
- I probably won't get a ticket, but I'm determined to visit at least one of these places and see what Villa get up to. It could be quite exciting.
- Transfer deadline day? Leave me out. It's such boring talk.
- Future newsletters will preview these ties in more detail. That's far more exciting than Premier League previews imo.
- Hibernian fans were excellent yesterday - but the talk of an assault allegedly occurring is upsetting. Hopefully they are ok. This type of incident shouldn't occur in 2023.