There's only 3 men fit for the job at Villa

Hey.

Look, I've had to write this up quickly because since I've started, three different managers have been favourites for the vacant Villa job.

Anyway, sorry not sorry. Here's my thoughts on loads of different potential gaffers for Villa.

My big three

Ruben Amorim

WHO?

Oh, just a bloke who took his shot at 34, stole some silverware with Braga before turning around a mess at a big club, ending almost two decades of pain while making his name there.

He is enthusiastic, bright, committed, dedicated and has a crystal-clear idea of how he wants to play football. He is used to losing players, he doesn't really care because his system is god. Sporting can be considered an elite club because of his work.

He's a coach as well. An actual one that improves players. Look at Nunes. Then look at Ramsey. Now look at Nunes again. Then look at Ramsey. Do you like what you see? I do as well.

His use of a back-three is encouraging due to the defensive talent at Villa that needs ironing out. If he can succeed with Coates, he can succeed with Mings and Konsa.

To be lazy, he is Jose and AVB before they got jaded. He's a serious talent and Villa should make moves to get him at his peak.

Concerns? He has only managed in one league

Ange Postecoglou

"I laugh sometimes when I look back. Although I knew him quite well, there was a perception of: 'Who's this guy?' - Tom Rogic reflecting on the hiring of Postecoglou

I remember working on the day Ange was hired at Celtic and everyone laughed. Alan Brazil mocked him.

To quote that mock-fascist goblin Nigel Farage - they are not laughing anymore. Alan Brazil apologised.

It's stupidly easy to say that managing in Scotland is easy, and to an extent it is. It isn't good enough to win a title though. Ask Neil Lennon or any of the other reprobates who have found themselves in charge of one half of the Old Firm over the years. Even Steven Gerrard, who 'smashed it', isn't looked on that fondly anymore.

You have to win it with conviction, style and meaning. You have to win it for more than the temporary year. You have to dominate - convincingly.

I can't argue that Ange hasn't done just that. I find him very similar to Amorim - but also with that larger-than-life personality. The kind you can only get from a Warnock or Allardyce. Something that can be useful if you have a modern footballing mindset.

That makes Ange an enigma. He's been fighting on the frontier of world football in Japan and Australia, he's different. He's edgy. He's familiar, but new.

He'd be a great fit, and it'd be an honour to have him at Villa.

Thomas Frank

There is no way that Frank would leave Brentford in normal circumstances, but these are not normal circumstances. Villa can activate his paid contract release and damn well force a move with an eye-watering deal. That changes everything, and Villa have a better side for Frank to work with. If he can replicate his Bees job at Villa Park, we'll probably be in bastard Europe by the end of the season.

Think Dean Smith, just a little better and a lot weirder.

I mean they're alright

Sean Dyche

His name is a huge turn-off, but listen. Listen.

Please listen.

Please please listen.

Dyche pulled off one of the most outrageous and underrated managerial jobs in football history by plonking Burnley in the Premier League and keeping them there whilst taking a set of Championship footballers to the Europa League.

He wasn't well backed and Burnley fell into supreme dysfunction at the end of his stint.

Still, he persevered. What's more, he's got twice the nous of Stevie G and did way better with a squad barely half as talented as Villa's current one.

Oh, and he's an actual coach who coaches. I wouldn't rule this one out.

Rafa Benitez

See above. He's the Spanish Dyche and that's a good thing. Amazing with the press (usually). The one difference is that Rafa has fell short in similar circumstances, while Dyche hasn't. Everton did not work out well at all for him.

Brendan Rodgers

An exceptional coach, but one who somehow managed to turn into Jose Mourinho faster than Jose Mourinho (and his clone AVB).

Rodgers seems jaded in every job. He's achieved wonderful things at Leicester, but they are in dire straits under his leadership.

I believe he could do similar things at Villa, but so soon after his depressing final stages in the East Midlands? I'm not too sure.

I'd have him though. He'd be backed like he's never been backed before. That'd put a smile on his face.

Unai Emery

Has the hallmarks of a legendary European gaffer, but was unfairly humiliated at Arsenal. It came too soon for him - but the time seems right now?

Wouldn't turn my nose up at him

Funny, but not funny haha, funny get to fuck

Roberto Martinez

No. Go away. Can smell the aftershave evaporating off his bonce from here.

John Terry

Thought it was a better idea to publicly and loudly promote his stupid NFT project than get involved with management. Not sure how he functions in regular day-to-day life. Would take a selfie after every game. Would hang 'Live, Love, Laugh' on the changing room door. No chance. Piss off.

Scott Parker

"I wish chinese takeaways had drive throughs." Fiat 500-ass manager. No.

Roy Keane

Once set up a board to kick it down in front of his players. Has absolutely no idea what planet he is on. Consumed by anger at things he has made up in his head. No.

Nuno

Boring classless dickhead. No.

Thierry Henry

Do you want what has just happened to happen again? With an even moodier man?

Jose Mourinho

Do you want what has just happened to happen again? With an even more moodier man?

Ralph Hasenhuttl

Is actually good, but I don't ever want to see Villa pay for Europa League by losing games six-nil. Kamikaze Klopp Klone.

Not happening

Thomas Tuchel

Matt Law, close to Chelsea news, states that Tuchel isn't really arsed about getting back into football so quickly. Especially in England. No-go.

Michael Beale

Turned down the Wolves job, dropped a 7-minute speech to QPR fans about it. Won't take his mates old job anyway. As much as I'd love him to.

Marcelo Bielsa

Legendary coach, and I'd have him - but Villa are dead on their knees. They aren't just underperforming like Leeds were.

We'd see a 'real' Bielsa. We'd see Lazio & Lille Bielsa because we've turned into a headcase club. He'd break us because we'd break him.

Plus, he wouldn't do it to Leeds. He's bigger than that.

Mauricio Pochettino

It's pretty clear he's waiting for a shot with a Champions League side, not a powder keg strapped into a relegation battle. No chance.

Dean Smith

Sorry, friend. Our time has come and gone. Don't be sad because it's over, be happy that it ever happened.

Wayne Rooney

Has somehow turned out to be the best Golden Generation manager. No idea how, but good for him. Is likely two jobs away from a Premier League one - and turned down Everton. His job at Derby was wonderful - legendary actually.